First of all, you can suck it up and let the kid listen to whatever you listen to. I grew up listening to the Beatles on golden oldies radio. Trust me, you don't realize that "Yellow Submarine" or "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" are about drugs until you're at least 10. That's plenty of time for your offspring to enjoy listening to well constructed and entertaining music without being corrupted.
Really, how much can a tiny baby take away from music written in a language they don't even understand? If a baby listens to some Pink Floyd and happens to hear, in a slightly distorted and frightening tone, the lyric "One of these days I'm going to cut you into little pieces" how much damage can it really do? If Jr could even understand the lyrics, it would probably be smart enough to understand that the song is not directed toward them. For what it's worth, I think babies would totally be into some Bad Brains.
There's nothing children love more than gangly rastafari playing punk rock music.
Maybe you're one of those modern coddling hipster loser type parents, and you're thinking that a band with a song called "Fearless Vampire Killers" might be inappropriate for a child (A punk rock song named after a movie directed by a probable pedophile could be seen as a poor choice for a child). I just want you to know, you're what's wrong with America. Also, you have other options.
Some credible bands have actually done their own children's albums. Well, when I say credible, I mean that in the sense that any band who's music was featured on "Tiny Toon Adventures" can be considered credible. They Might Be Giants is a band that most people in their 30's only remember from the song "Particle Man". Really anyone who listened to TMBG could have seen their children's music transition coming. "Your Racist Friend" is essentially the anthem of the 21st century toddler.
Another former band firing themselves in the Baby Beluga kiln is Devo. They've gone so far as to rename themselves Devo 2.0. Really it was the next logical step. Original Devo fans were essentially just toddlers who knew calculus and could actually afford the Star Wars toys they sought after.
Personally I wish Danny Elfman would get Oingo Boingo back together to do a children's album. He's already done so many kid friendly movies, why not reform the talented crew who performed "Little Girls" and make another song called "Little Boys". OK, there might be too much of a pervert vibe from a song like that, but it's got a groove I can dance to.
Currently, I"m really digging on the Rockabye Baby! albums. This is one of those ideas that you wish you had though of. What is boils down to is someone took the music from a bunch of famous artists (The Cure, Led Zeppelin, Queen, Rush, The Smiths, AC/DC, Pink Floyd, Bjork, Metallica, The Smashing Pumpkins) and rerecorded them as lullabies. They are quite soothing, and retain much of the musical integrity of the original songs you love. Take a listen.
If you know the lyrics, I would suggest not singing along.
I really can't wait to play some of this music for my kid. Outside of the classic baby milestones there are few I am really looking forward to: Teaching my kid who Batman is, explaining the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle and Schrodinger's Cat, and introducing my kid to the wide world of music. Seriously folks, if we as parents don't take this obligation on ourselves, our kid will pick it up on the streets and end up listening to the musical stylings of Carly Rae Jepsen! Gasp!
So, if none of this works for you I do have one final solution (whoops too soon). If you're at all musically inclined, start your own damn kids band. How hard can it be? Slide whistle, kazoo, nonsensical repetitive lyrics, mix it into a bright colorful bucket of goup and the kids will eat it up. It could be so easy. You only have to write songs in the key of C (children are physically unable to hear music in any other key). I even wrote the words to your first song. They are simply: "Pooping is easy" repeat 28x.
Maybe you think children's music is too pandering. Your kid has refined tastes. They want to hear something in the mixolydian scale in 7/8 time. The easy solution would be to have them listen to Frank Zappa, but Zappa might be too overtly sexual for a six month-old. You could always strive to be the most creative and indie children's band ever created. From what I've seen though, that doesn't work.
Seriously, if you don't watch Portlandia, you probably aren't in my demographic.
I guess I'm going to stick with a combination of adult music that is appropriate, and the Rockabye Baby! stuff. When the kid starts to reach the age that they can understand the music, I'll probably throw in some They Might Be Giants ("Here Comes Science" sounds like it may have been written just for my kid). We have to remember a large part of parenting is discerning what is and what is not appropriate for our children to be involved with. There is plenty of good music out there, for adults and children alike, that is enjoyable. But remember even if the song is appropriate for a child, the band name may not be.
I'd like to take a quick moment to thank those of you who actually read these posts. I've gotten quite a bit more traffic than I expected, and the pace has been quite steady. Those of you who read all my posts or have shared them, I really appreciate it. I would also like to point out that the support makes it harder to be cynical and sarcastic, so please go away. You're ruining my vibe.
Daddy what's a "Pornographer"?
I'd like to take a quick moment to thank those of you who actually read these posts. I've gotten quite a bit more traffic than I expected, and the pace has been quite steady. Those of you who read all my posts or have shared them, I really appreciate it. I would also like to point out that the support makes it harder to be cynical and sarcastic, so please go away. You're ruining my vibe.
Next Time
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